


goodbyes

by secretlychaoticenthusiast



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlychaoticenthusiast/pseuds/secretlychaoticenthusiast
Summary: you're 18 when you learn to let go





	goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> based from the prompt: "i rooting for you and your love (but i'm also hurting)

When you first saw her (brown hair, scrawny, cute, but overly confident) you were 16, and you thought the most you’d feel for her was extreme annoyance.

 

You’re 18 staring at a girl, the girl, the only girl. Bright brown eyes, face matured now, brown hair cascading down her back. Behind her are two suitcases. You’re 18 and you’re staring at Jiwoo and she’s saying goodbye in a crowded airport with other people who are also saying goodbye. And you can’t help but feel like this is the most important goodbye, that the two of you are the sun and moon orbiting the world. Without this nothing would exist.

 

Maybe your ego isn’t much better than hers.

 

You fell in love with Jiwoo the way people blindly stare at crashed cars. You couldn’t look away, and then you were in one yourself. And saying the words _I, Love_ and _You,_ feel like pills taken with no water.

 

And being in love with Jiwoo is like being too full. And, and – you don’t know of any comparison when it comes to actively loving her.

 

“I have to go,” she says, looking down at her watch. “Ah, _Jungeun_ ,” she bites her lip and grabs your hand, squeezes only once. “Don’t cry. You’re gonna make me cry, and I put on makeup, so isn’t that kind of rude?” She’s joking and laughs a little. You can’t.

 

She’s going. You want her to go. You wish she could stay.

 

Jiwoo got the call days after you turned 18. Her agent told her. Big news. Big success. Big deals. Bright future. Whatever.

 

You knew, _you knew you knew you knew,_ that this would happen eventually. That Jiwoo would be sent thousands of miles away, that she would be gone for a while, that she’d leave. But every day since you found out, the news has hit like a sudden realization.

 

“I’m not going to cry,” you tell her. Her hand is sweating despite the chill inside the airport.

 

You were 18 the first time you kissed her. Post-graduation, in the moment, awkward, special. You miss the few moments when you were 17 and everything felt like it would be forever.

 

“Your eyes are all red,” Jiwoo says. “You’re really going to cry over me, huh?” She flutters her watery eyes and smirks.

 

A day ago – the going away party – you did cry. Into her shoulder, away from everyone. You leaned up and kissed her. “You’re going to go.” And she nodded, once, sadly. “I want you to go.” Stillness. “But I-I wish you’d stay.” And that was all said through mumbled sobs when you couldn’t get it together, a brief moment of weakness in a line of weary days.

 

“ _Jungeun,_ ” she had said back, sing-song. Like she wished she could choose you too.

 

Jiwoo has wanted fame her entire life, wanting you is new. You wish you could be upset, wish you could yell, tell her she has to stay. But you can’t, the both of you know that.

 

“You’re such a big baby,” Jiwoo says. A tear rolls down your cheek. “I’ve gotta go,” she says again. And she leans in and kisses you on the mouth, softly. Her lips taste like salt. “I’ll come back,” she says, the _for you_ is left unsaid.

 

Both of you don’t know if that’s true. Neither of you can call it a lie either.

 

“Goodbye.”

 

She smiles. “Bye, Jungeun. Take care.” And she walks away, further and further until you can’t even see the suitcases she has on her.

 

You’re 18 when you learn that people aren’t always going to choose you.

 

You’re 18 when you learn to let someone go.

**Author's Note:**

> all mistakes are mine~


End file.
